Monday, June 13, 2011

I've been thinking.

I've been thinking a lot about my life. This summer it will be two years since we started trying for a baby. The Doc has given us a little pill that is supposed to make it happen. Will it work who knows.

Through the last two years I have experienced several different types of emotion,hope, rage, confusion, feelings of guilt and finally acceptance.

I know that one day my husband and I will hold our child in our arms, I know that child will be worth every negative pregnancy test that I have taken, it will be worth all of the ovulation kits I bought, and all of the crazy drugs we have been on. That child will be the answer to all of our prayers and hopes and dreams.

I have found comfort in my sweet friends who know of my struggle, how have encouraged me and make me find the humor in infertility. I have found comfort in the stories from the old testament of Rachael, Sarah and Rebekkah. I have tried to smile and nod when people tell me "just relax and it will happen." I have tried my best to be supportive when friends and family have babies even though it hurts a little. Sometimes I get so angry I want to break something, then I remember "Thine adversity shall be but a small moment.And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes."

I have come to accept that things do not happen on my timing but on the Lords.I don't know how long the road to our child will be. But I do know that the Lord has plans for me and my family. I know that one day hopefully soon I will look into the eyes of my child.

But until that day I will try my best to be content with the blessings that I have already been given. A husband who loves me, who is kind and supportive, a safe home, a job, foot to eat, rockin abs, a sweet puppy who I suspect might be better then some children. And the assurance that good things come to those who wait and that I have so much more than I could ever have imagined.

Like I've said, I've been thinking a lot about infertility.

Genesis30:22 And God remembered Rachel
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me


  1. Your strength is amazing and I just want to give you a big hug right now! I hope a pray for you and all our friends that a trying that things will work out. Your friendship means so much to me and I want you to know how thankful I am for all you have done for my family. Keep smiling and let me know if you ever want to just hang out.

  2. Great thoughts and perspective Whit! It truly is in God's hands and in His timing. I've felt ALL the same feelings you have and I just want to reach out and give ya a big ole'{HUG}. I Love ya and am glad to call you friend!