I've been thinking a lot about my life. This summer it will be two years since we started trying for a baby. The Doc has given us a little pill that is supposed to make it happen. Will it work who knows.
Through the last two years I have experienced several different types of emotion,hope, rage, confusion, feelings of guilt and finally acceptance.
I know that one day my husband and I will hold our child in our arms, I know that child will be worth every negative pregnancy test that I have taken, it will be worth all of the ovulation kits I bought, and all of the crazy drugs we have been on. That child will be the answer to all of our prayers and hopes and dreams.
I have found comfort in my sweet friends who know of my struggle, how have encouraged me and make me find the humor in infertility. I have found comfort in the stories from the old testament of Rachael, Sarah and Rebekkah. I have tried to smile and nod when people tell me "just relax and it will happen." I have tried my best to be supportive when friends and family have babies even though it hurts a little. Sometimes I get so angry I want to break something, then I remember "Thine adversity shall be but a small moment.And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes."
I have come to accept that things do not happen on my timing but on the Lords.I don't know how long the road to our child will be. But I do know that the Lord has plans for me and my family. I know that one day hopefully soon I will look into the eyes of my child.
But until that day I will try my best to be content with the blessings that I have already been given. A husband who loves me, who is kind and supportive, a safe home, a job, foot to eat, rockin abs, a sweet puppy who I suspect might be better then some children. And the assurance that good things come to those who wait and that I have so much more than I could ever have imagined.
Like I've said, I've been thinking a lot about infertility.
Genesis30:22 And God remembered Rachel
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me