Monday, June 13, 2011

I've been thinking.

I've been thinking a lot about my life. This summer it will be two years since we started trying for a baby. The Doc has given us a little pill that is supposed to make it happen. Will it work who knows.

Through the last two years I have experienced several different types of emotion,hope, rage, confusion, feelings of guilt and finally acceptance.

I know that one day my husband and I will hold our child in our arms, I know that child will be worth every negative pregnancy test that I have taken, it will be worth all of the ovulation kits I bought, and all of the crazy drugs we have been on. That child will be the answer to all of our prayers and hopes and dreams.

I have found comfort in my sweet friends who know of my struggle, how have encouraged me and make me find the humor in infertility. I have found comfort in the stories from the old testament of Rachael, Sarah and Rebekkah. I have tried to smile and nod when people tell me "just relax and it will happen." I have tried my best to be supportive when friends and family have babies even though it hurts a little. Sometimes I get so angry I want to break something, then I remember "Thine adversity shall be but a small moment.And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes."

I have come to accept that things do not happen on my timing but on the Lords.I don't know how long the road to our child will be. But I do know that the Lord has plans for me and my family. I know that one day hopefully soon I will look into the eyes of my child.

But until that day I will try my best to be content with the blessings that I have already been given. A husband who loves me, who is kind and supportive, a safe home, a job, foot to eat, rockin abs, a sweet puppy who I suspect might be better then some children. And the assurance that good things come to those who wait and that I have so much more than I could ever have imagined.

Like I've said, I've been thinking a lot about infertility.


Genesis30:22 And God remembered Rachel
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me

2 comments:

  1. Your strength is amazing and I just want to give you a big hug right now! I hope a pray for you and all our friends that a trying that things will work out. Your friendship means so much to me and I want you to know how thankful I am for all you have done for my family. Keep smiling and let me know if you ever want to just hang out.

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  2. Great thoughts and perspective Whit! It truly is in God's hands and in His timing. I've felt ALL the same feelings you have and I just want to reach out and give ya a big ole'{HUG}. I Love ya and am glad to call you friend!

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