"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned
so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
These last few days, last few weeks, last few months really I have been coming to realize that sometimes in life we need to let go. There are so many things in life that I worry about, that I feel like I should have done at this point in my life. I set the bar so high for my self because i feel like i need to exceed expectations, but in reality the expectations are of mine own making and no one else.
I have been trying to let go of the things that I can not control and focus on the things that I can. I can control how long I work out tomorrow, but I can't control people at work or crazy guests. I can't control people who make me unhappy, but I can choose not to hang out with them anymore.
It being national infertility awareness week I could write a whole mess of posts about my lack of control in that department. But really no one wants to read that and even if I could have a baby right no I honestly don't know if i would want one at this point in my life. That sentence is a half truth, if a baby comes we will take it, but after much thinking, and praying and coming to terms with what we really want . We decided that we do want kids, but maybe not at this moment.
I am in love with my job right now. It is hard and good and rewarding and I come home tired, but it is a good tired. And when you mix a husband who is almost done with law school into the equation there might be a baby but there wouldn't be anyone to take care of it, or if I did quit my job any money to pay for it. And I am okay with that.
Our life might not be the life that we had planned. And maybe it is not what other people would want, but it is good. It is oh so good. We have our health, and employment and food in our cupboards and so much more then so many people. I have a husband who loves me and supports me, and parents who always tell me how proud they are of me. I have a Father in Heaven who reminds me to focus on the blessings that I have now, and not to worry about the blessings that will come later. Because they will come, they will come in the forms of little blue eyed babes with chubby checks and chunky legs. I know that they will come, but until then I am just fine in letting go and enjoying the ride.