Family Motto

Some families have cute little saying or  quotes that they hang around their front door. Like "This house runs on love and diet coke" or "Always Kiss me Goodnight" we have one too...but it comes from a more unlikely source, Barney Stinson

True Story.

I was feeling a little down today, the project that I have been working on at work is ending and while I am looking forward to heading back to Hollywood Attractions I am feeling a little discouraged. So I reminded myself of our favorite quote, and sure enough just like Barney said I would, I started to feel a little bit better.

On Letting Go

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned

so as to have the life that is waiting for us"

-Joseph Campbell.

These last few days, last few weeks, last few months really I have been coming to realize that sometimes in life we need to let go. There are so many things in life that I worry about, that I feel like I should have done at this point in my life. I set the bar so high for my self because i feel like i need to exceed expectations, but in reality the expectations are of mine own making and no one else.

I have been trying to let go of the things that I can not control and focus on the things that I can. I can control how long I work out tomorrow, but I can't control people at work or crazy guests. I can't control people who make me unhappy, but I can choose not to hang out with them anymore.

It being national infertility awareness week I could write a whole mess of posts about my lack of control in that department. But really no one wants to read that and even if I could have a baby right no I honestly don't know if i would want one at this point in my life. That sentence is a half truth, if a baby comes we will take it, but after much thinking, and praying and coming to terms with what we really want . We decided that we do want kids, but maybe not at this moment.

I am in love with my job right now. It is hard and good and rewarding and I come home tired, but it is a good tired. And when you mix a husband who is almost done with law school into the equation there might be a baby but there wouldn't be anyone to take care of it, or if I did quit my job any money to pay for it. And I am okay with that.

Our life might not be the life that we had planned. And maybe it is not what other people would want, but it is good. It is oh so good. We have our health, and employment and food in our cupboards and so much more then so many people. I have a husband who loves me and supports me, and parents who always tell me how proud they are of me. I have a Father in Heaven who reminds me to focus on the blessings that I have now, and not to worry about the blessings that will come later. Because they will come, they will come in the forms of little blue eyed babes with chubby checks and chunky legs. I know that they will come, but until then I am just fine in letting go and enjoying the ride.

Everytime I hear that Song I go back...

I have really started to love my drives to and from work. It is only about 20 minutes but it is the perfect amount of time to get lost in my thoughts.

Isn't it strange how you can hear a song and it will take you back a dozen years to a time and a place that you haven't thought about in forever. It was on one of my drives home from work the other night when the radio seemed to be playing the soundtrack of my life.

Whenever I hear the song "Brick" by Ben Folds, I think of being 16 and walking down the street with some of my best friends singing that song at the top my lungs and feeling so infinite. There are other songs too- Ones that make me think of a time not so long ago, when Audrey was still a little puppy and I was so in love with a boy who I thought I would marry. I had a job that I loved and a cute little apartment and I thought that I had it all.

Fast forward a year and a half later and I still had the dog but had moved, gotten a new job and was in engaged; but this time to the man that I did marry.

As I think back over the last five years or so, I can't help but be amazed at how much my life has changed. People that I loved have died, sweet babies have been born into my family, my hair has been about 5 different colors. I met a man and got married all with in a 13 month period. Then up rooted my whole life and moved 400 miles and started all over.

These are the things that I like to think about on my drives,the things that have changed,and the things that haven't. I love the moment when I remember how little control that I have over the whole mess beautiful thing that is my existence. Sometimes it is nice to have those moments when you realize just how small you are compared to the wide world around you. In that moment I can't help but smile and sing along and wonder what else the future has in store.